I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
