I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
