Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
