Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
