Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
