I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
