It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
