i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I supernannyed him into submission
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
