I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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