I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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