I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
