I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
