i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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