yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize