i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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