how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
