i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
