careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
