My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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