My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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