the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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