Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
