why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
