Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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