mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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