Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
