This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
