I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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