woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
