Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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