you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
