I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You pole danced in your parka.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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