Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
