And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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