Pants 0. Shit 1.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
