i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
