im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
