I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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