she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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