my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
