You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
