Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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