He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
