I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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