I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize