so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
