he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
