and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
