Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
third nipple confirmed
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
