This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
