then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
