i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Quick, to the slutcave!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize