you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
