I smell stomach acid.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
