OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
