you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
time to smoke my breakfast
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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