Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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