jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
