bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
