We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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