I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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