Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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