i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
