i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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