We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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