Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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