non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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