Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
