she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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