I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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