I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
