last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
