No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you would pick up someone in the library
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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