who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
