Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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