my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
