Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
