I'm so fucking centered right now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
