i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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