Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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